Where has the time gone??? I remember Pre Season like it was yesterday. A Footballer's life is mad, it can go one of two ways. The first is the really slow end where nothing goes for you which I call the 'Dark Side' of football, for me that's when I was either injured or not in the plans of previous managers. The second is the good side, which I feel is me right now, with games coming thick and fast and feeling the fittest I've ever been, whilst enjoying every day as it comes. A footballer is always happy when he's playing.
I've had a couple of years of the 'Dark Side' which aren't fond memories. 2007/08 is one season that stands out for me, I was at Shrewsbury Town and our season wasn't going to plan. The club had moved into their new stadium and expectations for promotion straight away were high. We were in the Christmas period and had won 3 games in a row, I was in good form and feeling great. Our next game was Wycombe Wanderers at home on Saturday 29th December. After 8 minutes we were 1-0 down and then a huge turn in my season happened. The manager brought me off after 31 minutes! It was totally unexpected and one of the most embarrassing moments of my career that I will never forget. We ended up losing the game 1-0 and the gaffer never said a word to me. The next day was our day off and all I could think about was what had happened, especially without an explanation. First thing next morning I was gonna pull him. It was Monday 31st December and we had Peterborough away the following day so we were to train and then travel straight to Peterborough, from the training ground, so I was packed and ready to go. We had friends come up from London to celebrate the New Year with my partner whilst I was away.
I arrived at the training ground and straight away the gaffer wanted to see me. I had thought about what I wanted to say the day before so I was prepared but nothing was going to prepare me for what I was about to hear. I sat down in his office and he played the video from the Wycombe game and highlighted when I lost the ball and he felt I didn't chase the opposing player quick enough after losing the ball. I must of sprinted 60 yards after 2 players and eventually the ball went off for a corner and nothing else came from the phase of play. From that he had made his opinion that I wasn't the player he wanted. The next words were "We are going to Peterborough for a battle and I'm not taking you, this tells you what I'm thinking." WOW! Two days ago I was going into a game with 3 wins out of 3 and now I was, in other words, being told I'm not in the managers plans!!! It hit me hard. I headed home with all sorts of thoughts running through my head. When I walked through my front door everyone was wondering why the hell I was home. It's at that moment that you need your family with you, I needed them then. I don't like to show my emotions much but that evening took it out of me. The team travelled to Peterborough and lost 2-1. Exactly 3 months later 11 games with only 1 win the manager got the sack, I hadn't started a game since the Wycombe incident... For those three months I trained as hard as I could keeping my head whilst sometimes being left out of the squad completely. It's a lonely place to be, I do believe it's made me stronger, but at the time it hurt like hell. When I used to play down the park with my mates as a youngster I never once thought that football could hurt me so much. I didn't have a clue that these things happened and I bet some people still dont, even as adults supporting the game now. It's extremely hard to keep yourself motivated for training every day only to know that no matter what I do I won't be starting come Saturday. You get very frustrated and that's when living so far away from Home has it's downsides. My relationship was being affected by my bad moods and having a 4/5 month old baby too really added to the mix. I would say it was the lowest part of my career as a footballer. I only started two more games that season with the club narrowly avoiding relegation.
The next Season 2008/09 we had a new manager and he had said I could leave the club if the opportunity came as I wasn't in his plans. I had agreed a deal with Brentford. They had tried to sign me the previous year and this time was certain, it was going to happen, I had even bought a house back home in London. It was perfect, as times had been hard in Shrewsbury for me and my partner, especially as she had no help with our new born baby. Now we could be with all our families again. Could you believe it the deal fell through!!! I now had a real problem on my hands, do I pull out of the house and stay in Shrewsbury? Or do I buy the house and put my family first? It would mean driving 2 hours 45 minutes to Shrewsbury every day... It was a tough decision but decided that Family came first; I knew that for the sake of my relationship I needed to move them back to London. I would go to bed most nights with my clothes next to my bed, set my alarm for 6am and be in my car on route by 6.10am. I would arrive at the training ground just gone 9am if there was no traffic. It wasn't ideal but it was a sacrifice I had to make especially knowing that the manager didn't want me. Despite that I made sure I hit the ground running and that Pre Season I was flying fit. I was starting to prove to the gaffer what I could do and ended up featured in every Pre Season game leading up to the start of the Campaign. It was looking like I'd be in the gaffers starting eleven for the first game of the season, until a week before, I ruptured my LCL ligament in a friendly against Fulham. I came off with 30 minutes left and a very sore knee. I couldn't believe what was happening, the roller coaster had started again! I stupidly tried to carry on training the following Monday & Tuesday. The pain was so bad that I had to let go of my pride and admit defeat to injury. I was absolutely devastated. I'd worked extremely hard all Off Season and Pre Season, I managed to prove to the manager that I was worthy of a starting place, to then have it taken away seven days before the first game of the season!!! Heartbroken...
The injury took 3 months to recover from. I had to be in for treatment ever day for 9am and didn't leave until 3pm, I wouldn't get back to London until 6-7pm to then have to be up again at 6am next morning to do it all again. I ended up staying in Shrewsbury a few nights a week as the journey was getting the better of me and also wasn't good for the recovery of my knee. When I was finally fully fit I wasn't in the managers plans at all, he had brought in new signings and I didn't start another League game for Shrewsbury Town. But this is how mad football is, five months later January came and the club offered to end my contract, by mutual consent. I found out Brentford were still interested in me, this time there was no disruptions and I had gone from one of the loneliest places in my career to being able to finally sign for a club 20 minutes from my house. You can't imagine the happiness it brought back to my life again! Words can't describe what that did for me mentally. To add the icing to the cake, I ended that season making 20 appearances, scoring 2 goals and being crowned Champions. How do you explain that feeling??? You're only getting a fraction of this, as I write it in a blog, but try putting yourself in that situation and then imagine your emotions!
That season finished for me on the 2nd May with Brentford and I went on the first of my two holidays. On the 23rd May Shrewsbury Town lost to Gilligham 1-0 in the League 2 Playoff Final, I was in a bar in Cyprus watching it whilst on my second holiday with the family..... I was in the right place at the right time!
Reflecting on the 'Dark Side' of my career makes me appreciate where I am at the moment. It makes me hungrier and even more determined to succeed. We are half way through our season and top of the League 2. There's still a long way to go and I know it won't be easy but I'm looking forward to the challenge and what the future holds for Crawley Town FC.
